This one is going to be a real nail-biter.
So, many of you may be wondering why I haven’t yet commented on embattled Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich and his utterly farcical and parody-rife “alleged” corruption scandal. You may be thinking, “This is the biggest scandal to hit Chicago since the Black Sox”, while still others may be thinking, “Who the hell are the Black Sox?”
To your, sir, I suggest that you watch Field of Dreams.
I’ll wait.
Is he gone?
Good.
To everyone still left, I offer you this:
IT’S TOO EASY!!!!!!!!!!!
This scandal makes Teapot Dome seem like an old lady sampling grapes at the supermarket. I simply didn’t know what else I could say on the matter that Governor Blagojevich hadn’t already said himself. On his phone. Which he knew was being tapped.
That was however until he held a press conference on Friday. For those of you did not catch it live and have only seen the clips that have doubtless been run over and over again on MSNBC, CNN, The Daily Show, Sesame Street, what have you; let me tell, it was a sight to see. I mean really a sight to see.
It wasn’t just the way he strode out gallantly to the microphone, it wasn’t just the way he grabbed that mic and without a split second’s hesitation proclaimed his innocence, and it wasn’t just his extended quoting of Kipling poetry (once again, Kiplin? really?); it was his conviction.
This was a man who was one hundred percent convinced that he has done nothing wrong. Not a damn thing. I was half expecting a Entourage-esque profanity laced tirade about how we’re all bleeping bleeps who bleep our own bleeps with our bleeps. However, his Excellency quite honestly floored me.
Now, I’ve always told everyone that the best way to lie to someone is to lie to yourself first. If you want to make someone believe something, you have to believe it first. If there is one spec of daylight between you and the truth, someone, especially another lier, can spot it in a second. Governor Blagojevich seems to have taken this to heart. I consider myself to be a fairly adept liar and it has served me well in the past, but this guy is my new God.
There wasn’t one second during his press conference that he wasn’t perfectly on message, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. His hand didn’t shake, his voice didn’t tremble, he never wavered. I would be willing to be that if you hooked him up to a lie detector, he would pass with flying colors.
Now, I’m not saying I condone corruption, just the opposite, I despise people who abuse their power, but you have to give it up for this guy. He can lie like nobody’s business. And to me at least, that’s just impressive.
