This is all seems pretty cut and dry, right? Palin, who has a son with Down Syndrome, doesn’t like it people use the word “retarded”, and is in fact willing to stand up to even her political allies to defend her principles. For once I actually feel a small amount a respect for her (it should be noted that I 100% disagree with her though, everyone needs to chill the hell out and turn their PC meters down a few thousand notches, but that’s besides the point). Except now she’s back-peddling and saying that she wasn’t talking about Rush in that quote. Respect gone. So what Sarah? No one is allowed to say “retard” expect Rush Limbaugh? That’s pretty retarded. Rahm has to loose his job, but Rush gets to stay on the air and continue being a big, fat idiot (obscure reference!)? I am really looking forward to seeing how this plays out.

I should note that I didn’t really make any jokes in this post and normally I would apologize for that, but this story is so dumb I thought it was funny enough on its own. Also, I’m lazy.

AMHERST, Massachusetts: Last Saturday night at approximately 10:15 p.m. EST, Chad Jackson (pictured above, left, with “some other fag”) snuck past security and infiltrated the University of Massachusetts chapter of Sigma Alpha Omega’s annual Christmas Sweater, Ice Luge, and Rufietini Winter Mixer. Jackson, known locally as “Jackhole”, was banned from all SAO events and parties after an incident last semester during which he “was totally scamming on my girl,” said fraternity President Freddie “Meat” Riley, who added, “Yeah, that dildo’s a total fag.” Pledge Mickey “Weasel” Stone has already accepted responsibility for the breach in security. “I was supposed to be watching the door, but this slammin’ hottie told me she would hook me up with some E if I let her and her friends in. He must have slipped in with ‘em. Which sucks cuz it turned out to just be Baby Aspirin with the words scraped off.” When reached for comment, Pledge Master Jeremy “Dog Boner” Hopkins insisted that the fraternity would be instituting new measures to insure that no such incident happens again. “That douche waffle better watch himself. If he shows his gay ass around here again, I’m gonna fuck it up. Yeah, I’ll fuck him real hard. Wait? What did I just say?”

At least we’ve got that.

Oh well, congrats to Governor Bob, who has the nicest hair in all the land.

You have 36 minutes…

On that note, Chris Christie is fat.

We couldn’t resist having just a little more fun with the cat.  Lou Reed seems like a fitting name, all things considered.  Also can you tell that we’ve been watching way too much of  The Wire?

-Dave

They’ve reported a $146.3 million drop in revenue in their first quarter this year. Apparently that’s a lot. I have no idea, since I have about two hundred bucks to my name, so really, I have no concept of money in business terms.

Not to scare you however, Six Flags has announced that all 20 of its parks will stay open. Proving that once again, I also have no idea what bankruptcy means. Seriously, I thought that meant you had no money, but it turns out I’m wrong. I now think that it means you have some money, but are stupid and don’t know how to use it so then you need to do something 11 times or whatever and then you get more money. Am I right? Do I still get to ride the Batman coaster? Because really, that’s all I care about. Have you been on that thing? It’s awesome! It’s all like woooosh!

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, the economy. It’s times like this I’m really glad I’m super broke, because if you’re already poor, you can’t become poor. I guess I’m kinda like one of those guys with nothing to lose. Maybe I should fight crime… like Batman! But you know, without the butler, because I’m poor.

I can see where Doc has noble intentions, but he may have been misguided in his methods and execution. To his defense however, that goddamn cat has only been living there a few days and already tried to kill him twice, so you know, whatever.

Also, apparently Dave and I have different ideas of what the cat “mellowing” on Doc’s shoes should mean. Although I didn’t write it into the script (because I’m lazy/a bad writer/need an editor) I assumed that the cat would be peeing, not puking. To Dave’s credit, the final version is much funnier that what I was thinking. Which is nearly always true.

On a completely unrelated and not comedic note, Dave has recently turned me on to my two new favorite (and polar opposite) music acts. Please go check out Hypercrush’s album The Arcade (awesome electropop about cocaine and Sega Genesis) and William Elliott Whitmore’s new album Animals in the Dark (awesome dude with a banjo singing about being a poor farmer and drinking and hating cops). Oh, also check out all his albums. Dave pretty much has the best music taste ever.

That is all. You may go now.